Real
women’s clothes―silk stockings, high-heeled shoes, brassiere, and one of
those corsets with the straps hanging down and all. Then he put on this very
tight black evening dress. Then he started walking up and down
the room, taking these very small steps, the way a woman does, and smoking a
cigarette and looking at himself in the mirror.
Something went wrong, though―I don’t even
remember what any more. The thing is, most of the time when you’re coming
pretty close to doing it with a girl―a girl that isn’t a prostitute or
anything, I mean―she keeps telling you to stop. The trouble with me is, I
stop.
The first record store I went into had a copy of “Little
Shirley Beans.” They charged me five bucks for it, because it was so hard
to get, but I didn’t care. Boy, it made me so happy all of a sudden. I could
hardly wait to get to the park to see if old Phoebe was around so that I could
give it to her.
Everybody says that, especially my father. It’s partly true, too,
but it isn’t all true. People always think something’s all true. I don’t give a damn, except that I get bored sometimes when people tell me to
act my age. Sometimes I act a lot older than I am―I really do―but
people never notice it. People never notice anything.
I mean some girl in front keeps
turning around to see what the hell’s going on. Anyway, something always
happens. I came quite close to doing it a couple of times, though. One time in
particular, I remember.
About, and
he’s my brother and all. That isn’t too far from this
crumby place, and he comes over and visits me practically every week end. He’s
going to drive me home when I go home next month maybe.
One
thing about packing depressed me a little. I had to pack these brand-new ice
skates my mother had practically just sent me a couple of days before. I could see my mother going in Spaulding’s and asking the
salesman a million dopy questions―and here I was getting the ax again.
The sonuvabitch could whistle better than anybody I ever heard. He’d be
making his bed, or hanging up stuff in the closet―he was always hanging
up stuff in the closet―it drove me crazy―and he’d be whistling
while he did it, if he wasn’t talking in this raspy voice. He could even
whistle classical stuff, but most of the time he just whistled jazz. He could take
something very jazzy, like “Tin Roof Blues,” and whistle it so nice
and easy―right while he was hanging stuff up in the closet―that it
could kill you.
I wished I knew who’d swiped my gloves at Pencey, because my
hands were freezing. Not that I’d have done much about it even if I had known. I’m one of these very yellow guys. I try not to show it, but https://onlinedatingcritic.com/trueview-review/ I am. Hidden in his goddam galoshes or something, for instance. I’d have the damn gloves
right in my hand and all, but I’d feel I ought to sock the guy in the jaw or
something―break his goddam jaw.
I was so damn worried, that’s
why. When I really worry about something, I don’t just fool around. I even have
to go to the bathroom when I worry about something.